I’ve been battling them all day.  It started out this morning with my dude waking me up out of my peaceful slumber (which for some reason has been rare these days) saying, “Honey, where’s the ant spray?”  Well, you can’t say that kind of thing to me and expect me to just roll over and go back to sleep.  I must, simply must, spring into action.
The clock read like 5:58 AM and sure enough there were ants everywhere.  On the counter, in the pantry, along the ceiling, swimming in the dog water….and I just hate ants.   Does anyone like ants?   In my pj’s, glasses on, eyes still glurry (my kids think it’s glurry, not blurry), house still quiet and dark….and house still quiet and dark??  I am awake BEFORE the children???? What the hell is going on here?   Well, that realization just sent me spiraling but I tried to focus on the task at hand – killing those damn ants.
Have you been there? Have you found yourself battling an endless stream of ants with a pathetic can of ant killing spray in your hand and curse words falling out of your mouth?  Well, the house can only stay quiet and dark for so long with a crazed woman in the kitchen with a can of ant spray….so the children came a fluttering in.    
Ant killing is kinda interesting to kids.  “Wow, Mommy, whatcha doing?”  “Can I help?”  “Here are some Mommy, spray ’em!”  “Look at all of these over here! Wow!”   “Oh Mommy, look, they’re trying to eat all of our stuff!”   I can’t honestly say that any of these comments were particularly helpful.  
It seems the reason for this ant infestation was because we had an exterminator come to spray on Saturday.  He was a former Marine, looked like he was straight out of a video game, and his name was Dan, the Bug Man.  (OK, I added the Bug Man part.)   Dan was just the kind of character you appreciate meeting here on the Westside of LA.   He was a real person.  As opposed to me who I sometimes think is not real.  But real vs. not real really has to do with the fact that I was raised in the world of reality television where people who are the subjects of your stories were referred to as real people.  (More on real people in later posts)  
So Dan with his big muddy boots came stomping across my recently cleaned (by me) bamboo floors  and told us in some sort of drawl that we shouldn’t spray the inside right now because the kids were home.  We needed to leave.  And that is JUST what I needed to hear on a lazy Saturday morning as I was flipping pancakes.   I can’t get my kids out of the house when we HAVE to be anywhere so I was never gonna get them out on a Saturday morning.  So Dan said he would spray the outside (which had been teeming with zillions of ants for weeks) and well, it was all guaranteed for 60 days anyway.   If I saw any more, I should just call him back.
And then this morning.  But when I called Dan to tell him to get his muddy boots back out here, I was informed he wasn’t available until Thursday!!!  So until Thursday (sometime between the hours of 8 am – 12 pm), I will be guarding my kitchen with my life holding a can of killer ant spray and the vacuum to suck up the remains.


Sounds like a party.  To my kids at least.

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