Enthusotherapy

Do you find it hard to self-soothe?

I admit it, it’s real easy for me to self-soothe with an ice-cold Diet Dr. Pepper and a whole cheesecake.

That really works for me.

But in the long run, probably not the greatest method for my psyche or my physique.

I decided to go to a therapist to get some help and guidance in my desire to be an emotionally balanced and healthy woman. I found a female therapist in the yellow pages. I figured it would be much easier talking to a female therapist, thinking she would better understand me woman to woman.

This is what happened on our first visit.

(Quirky plops herself on big, comfy couch. Looks around for Loonette and Molly.)

Dr. Daft: Think of a time when you get mad.

Quirky: Okay. (What?)

Dr. Daft: A car just cuts you off. Your car’s gas needle is hovering on empty. You are running thirty minutes late.

Quirky: Oh, that is so frustrating when that happens! I just…

Dr. Daft: Wait. Now think of those feelings of frustration and total hopelessness as you are physically stuck in a sea of metal and glass with heat emanating from each nostril of the idling engines.

Quirky: Nostrils?

Dr. Daft: Wait. Think of a rage so fierce that you wanted to grab a person by their neck and just Get. In. Their. FACE….”

Quirky: Um, Dr.?

Dr. Daft: Wait. Your face is inches away from theirs and you bare your teeth at them.

Quirky: Um…

Dr. Daft: Wait. Think of seeing the fear in their eyes. The pleasure you would derive from installing such fear.

Quirky: (mouth open, speechless)

Dr. Daft: And then you growl at them.

Quirky: Growl?

Dr. Daft: Or if you are more comfortable grunting, then grunt instead.

Quirky: I’m not sure growling or grunting would be my style….

Dr. Daft: Wait. We cannot make progress if you do not work with me. This exercise must be done to help me, help you. You do want me to help you, don’t you?

Quirky: Oh, but of course!

Dr. Daft: So do you ever get that raging, boiling feeling inside your head? Do you ever feel like the blood roaring in your head is about to explode out of you? Do your veins start constricting with the pulsating heat of that blood?

Quirky: Well….

Dr. Daft: (yelling): No, no, NO Ms. Quirky!

Quirky: But, I just wanted to ask…

Dr. Daft: No questions! Just feeeeeeel Ms. Quirky. Feel.

Quirky: All right. I think I’m feeling it now….

Dr. Daft: Wait. I’m afraid our time is up. You’ll find that the hour goes by very quickly. You’ve made excellent progress today. You should be proud of yourself.

Quirky: Really?

Dr. Daft: Yes, Ms. Quirky. Have Rhonda schedule you another appointment for next week. Okay?

Quirky: Okay.

Did you hear that? I made excellent progress today! AND…I should be proud of myself.

I “feel” like celebrating!

*can opens, fizz*

Ah, a Diet Dr. Pepper. Balm to my wounded psyche.

My therapist…she…is…so…er…er…enthusiastic.

Enthusiasm is always a boost to the psyche!

And if this “enthusotherapy” treatment does not work?

There’s always cheesecake.