I Heart Gmail Spam!

Written by Quirkyloon
Gmail spam. 

My new-found love.

Lately, my gmail spam has been on. the. mark.

Check this out.


Don’t worry. I know it’s hard to see. Relax baby, Quirky is here to help you out by highlighting the pertinent gmail spam details.

First of all, a woman or a man by the name of Hadwin is concerned for me. How very nice. He or she wants to know, “How is Your Life Working out For You?” Oh, Hadwin, how much time you got babe? I’ve got so much I’d love to share with you. And I have questions, baby, lots of questions.

Now the next gmail is just plain scary. I promise I don’t know any stanislav saltikov and what is up with this title? “Bhytpncknackar”? Wha? I’m suspicious that this might be of zombie origin. Just sayin’.

How did this happen? I got a gmail from the Military Education Benefits Department. Say what? “Use Your GI Bill Before It Expires.” Well. This is interesting. I’ve never served in the military and yet somehow I am still eligible to use “my” GI bill for my education? Groovy, baby. Can’t wait.

Oh my gawsh. I can’t believe it. This next gmail is the ONE I have been waiting for with bated breath. “Movie Extras, Actors, & Models Needed Now!” I knew my time would finally come! I’m gonna be rich and famous, baby. I cannot wait! Hey, don’t hate me, because I’m beautiful. Oh yeah. Move over Penelope Cruz, there’s a new babelicious broad in town. (Quirky flings her hair a couple of times.)

Now if for some strange reason that modeling career does not pan out (I’m sure it will, but just in case), check this gmail out. “Work at Home Typing $1,680+ weekly.” Can you say yowza? Hey, I’m always typing either here at my blog or at your blogs commenting. I’m thinking a big, fat YES on this one. Just in case the modeling gig doesn’t work out.

Ahem.

The next gmail makes me feel patriotic. “FEDERAL AGENTS NEEDED! Help prevent terrorist attacks!” Oh, Osama Bin Laden will RUE the day Quirky is on board. Definitely. I have ways of making him talk. Then I’ll be a quirky hero! “And they say that a hero could save us. I’m not gonna stand here and wait.” Sing it, Chad!

How on earth did the Beautiful Feet people know? Beautiful Feet – Show Your Toes Off In Public.” ‘Tis sad, but true. I need some pedi-help, desperately. I do want to show off my toes in public. Unfortunately, they are pretty scary right now. There is so much toe-jam stuck in-between them. I never realized that toe-jam stinks something awful!

Moving onto another wonderful gmail spam, oh, lucky me! This gmail promises easy work for great pay. And they say this economy is bad. Pfft. “Easy 30Minute Job – Does fifty two grand for simple PT work interest you?” Um. Yeah, it does interest me. And now I am anxiously awaiting your reply.

Oh, this is a good one fellow bloggers. It is from “Blog Blaster – How would you like to have your ad on 2 Million Websites?” Really? Little ole’ Quirkyloon.com could be on 2 million websites. Wow. This just makes me want to burst into song! Why fight it? “The blogs are alive with the posts of Quirky!”

Sigh.

This is so wonderful, isn’t it?

Wait, wait, WAIT! How rude! “Erase Your Wrinkles – Stop Living with Wrinkles.” Well. Okay, so I have some lines, just a few faint ones. Fine. They are not so faint. Gah. No need to get all superficial on me, okay?

The next gmail is a mystery! “(unknown sender) – Get paid to solve crimes.” So if I can solve the mystery of who sent me the gmail then will I be hired to solve crimes? Me? A detective? (clucks tongue) This is even better than the modeling gig. I love being nosy and getting the dirt on people’s business. Mmm-hmmm.

Last, but not least. Oh no! It’s another gmail hater. All right consider myself reminded. So I have a chin hair issue. Gah. “American Laser Centers – You could WIN $3,000 of Free Laser Hair Removal.” I guess I’m not plucking fast enough. Sigh.

As you can see this gmail spam is turning out to be a good thing for me. I’m liking it. A lot. Yes, thank goodness for gmail spam. It looks like it will singlehandedly give me a new life with new hope (and new toe-jamless feet)! My new gmail spammed life will make my life a living dream.

Groovy baby, totally groovy.

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