Do I smell?

Written by Lee

In the world of moms, I can honestly say, I feel most of the time, like an outsider.  And I don’t even think I’m being overly dramatic when I say that.  It’s just that when it comes to a bunch of moms hanging around and chatting, I’m usually the one standing over to the side chiming in here and there but mainly feeling like some sort of weirdo.

And that’s rather odd for me.  

Not because I’m like usually very popular or the center of attention in any kind of group, it’s just that I consider myself an extrovert and I usually don’t have any trouble talking to anyone.  I’m not shy. I’m not overly-self-conscious. I’m not particularly insecure.  I’m not the life of the party either. I just consider myself a down-to-earth, easy to talk to kind of chick.

But it seems in the mom world, my people skills just don’t translate.  

Now, as I have spent some time analyzing this little “problem” of mine of feeling like a mom loser in the mom social scene, I have thought about the fact that I am not a girl’s girl and that I have never been a girl who hangs with a big group of gals.  I’m more of a solo kind of soul who has amazing friendships with individual women but they are not connected.  I’ve kind of been “adopted” into this one large gaggle of women that Ames is a part of and I am honored to be let into the group but I think I’m kind of like a charity case.  In a way. 

The times in my life where I have felt a real solidarity with a group of women came either playing soccer where my teammates comprised my friend scene or when I taught English in Poland for a year in my late 20’s and I met a group of utterly cool young women who are also on the journey and we became a small clique of traveling friends.  Other than that, it’s just been total luck of the draw of finding a few cool girls who actually liked me and were willing to start a friendship.  And like I said, I’m blessed to have the girlfriends that I do have because they generally rule and they love me for who I am.  To the core.  

But now that most of my tight friends do not live anywhere NEAR me (and why IS that exactly I wonder) and I am a mom, I am a basic loner.  

And although I am generally okay with being a loner and I know a lot of it simply MUST have to do with me and my internal make-up, I still wonder what my problem is and why can’t I just waltz into some chatting moms and make a new friend?

Is finding a new friend so hard?  For me it is.  Damn hard.  But I seem to hold a better chance of making a new female friend in my work world of television than I do on the playground.  Now that I’m not working much, I have to rely on the playground and the schoolyard and in those two places, something is just not right.

I see moms chatting all around me.  Exchanging phone numbers and emails and making arrangements to swap recipes and go shopping.  And I mean, these other moms are nice to me on the surface and smile my way when I walk up and ask the obligatory “How’s it going?” but no friendship is in the works.  At all. It never gets beyond the most superficial chit-chat imaginable and I’m left wondering why I can’t find me a new friend. 

Why?  Am I too picky?  Do I give off an unfriendly mom vibe?  Do they know that deep down I am not a supermom and they want nothing to do with me?  Do I not have enough coupon advice? Is it so obvious that my eyes start to glaze over when the conversation stays on all things kid- related? Do I smell? Not hip enough?  Not activist enough? Not LA enough?  

I know there has got to be some moms out there who crave a new friend and might want to hang out with someone like me, but holy shit, it’s like digging through the sand on the beach trying to find a quarter your kid just dropped and she’s crying for you to find it.  It just keeps sinking further down and it’s all elusive and invisible.  It’s weird.

There is this mom at The Love Fairy’s preschool and she invited The Love Fairy to her daughter’s birthday party.  And I was all, okay, this could be a real chance. This mom seems cool enough and now I’ll be hanging at her house at the party and I can chat up her and some other preschool moms and maybe this will be the start of something uh, beautiful. 

Well? No such luck.  

Not only did I feel like a total ass at that party as I tried to engage in conversation with several of the moms along with the hostess, but to this day, months later, this mom generally ignores me when I see her at school pretending she has not even seen the little smile and hello I am giving her.  What is up with that?  

So I’m left to cruise around my world and wonder why being a mom has put me in this whole other category of women who seem to think I am just a poser. Like I’m not really a mom and I don’t really need a mommy friend. 

And maybe that’s what it is….I really don’t need a mommy friend.  I just need and want a friend who is a mom.  

Someone in my daily life who gets my often quirky personality and who will listen to my wack- ass ideas while the kids play in the yard.   And who might want to crank up some tunes and maybe dance around in the living room. And who would consider ordering some take-out and then want to bake some cookies together.  And who just wants to hang out and pass some time like friends do.

Is this too much to want/need/ask for?

Should finding a friend that is a mom be so damn hard?

Or is it just me?

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