The Art of Letting Go

Written by Amy, a mom without a blog

It is an art and it happens to be one with which I struggle. A lot.

My husband has had a life’s dream of owning a motorcycle and he has just realized this dream. Yes … he is the proud owner of a new motorcycle.

I am not supportive of this decision and I just can’t hide my non-support (as hard as I may try).

In one weekend, I went through so many emotions and self-talk, I was beginning to think I might have a mild case of Schizophrenia. What I was thinking and what I was actually saying to my husband were polar opposites.

First off, let’s just get the safety topic crossed off the list. I know many of you are thinking “NO – it’s not safe – he’s a dad – what is he thinking?” For whatever reason I really can’t explain, safety is not one of my issues. I don’t know why. It just isn’t. If it were, then I think I might have a leg to stand on. But really, I have faith. I trust him and I just can’t climb aboard the “motorcycles aren’t safe” soapbox.

So what are my issues? That’s where I run into a problem.

My issues are irrational (in my mind). I would never, ever spend money on an extravagant toy like that. I wouldn’t. I’m conservative and I like to save and to me the motorcycle represents a big, giant toy. That for me is the core issue. I can’t get past it. It represents a big, giant toy for an adult man. I can not relate AT ALL.

But I am arguing with myself for many reasons …

Firstly, he works incredibly hard and makes incredible money. I have had the luxury of staying home ever since my babies were born and I am so grateful for this every single day. He supports our family and gives his entire life to supporting us. Shouldn’t that earn him a toy or two along life’s journey?

Secondly, if the tables were turned and I wanted anything at all in this world, I know to the depths of my soul my husband would support me unequivocally and encourage me. Especially if I was pursuing a life’s dream – especially that. Why can’t I do the same for him? Why? 

Even when I try – the resentment, the bitchiness, the mean side of me leaks out. I am behaving the exact opposite of how I want to behave. When it seemed buying the motorcycle was about to become a reality, I wanted so much to be excited for him. To ask him what color motorcycle he wanted. To ask him about an upcoming trip up the coast of California he’s been dreaming about. Support. A little encouragement. That’s all he wanted from me and I couldn’t give it to him.

I was trying to control him into behaving how I think he should behave and in my ripe old age, I should know by now that it’s impossible to control another person. Just ask any parent. Impossible.

So, why this need for control? I’m not really sure. I just know that my mind and my life would be a much calmer, peaceful, more blissful place, if I could improve on the art of just letting go.

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